Jennifer: 0:02

Welcome to the Starter Girlz podcast, the show dedicated to the Starter Girlz. She's an achiever, she's a creator, she's a magic maker, she's a dreamer and she is doing all the things. I'm your host, jennifer Loading, and welcome to this episode.

Jennifer: 0:24

All right, here we are, welcome. Welcome to another episode of the Starter Girlz podcast. I'm your host, jennifer Loehding, and I'm so excited about my guest today. This is going to be so much fun and I love her energy and just how she shows up, and so I think you guys are going to be in for a treat. She says that how we choose to show up hands over the keys to a happier, more effective, balanced life, every day, we have a choice. Do we just show up, improvising as we go, phoning in our intentions? Do we truly show up living decisive moments with intent, or are we barely there, struggling to show up at all? So Marcy Axelrod is a visionary leader, award-winning author, tv contributor, a two-times TEDx speaker and management consultant. Her approaches have been tested and proven through projects with some of the world's largest high-tech companies think HP and Cisco, with the background on Wall Street and in Silicon Valley. Marcy's work has been highly praised by professors at Harvard, yale, columbia and Cornell. So welcome to the show, marcy. I am so excited to chat with you today.

Marcy: 1:27

Jennifer, thanks so much for having me. It's really great to be with you.

Jennifer: 1:31

This is going to be so much fun because we got to talk a few minutes before you came on here and I just love how you are showing up right now the hat, the glasses, you got it all going on Well, thank you, you know.

Marcy: 1:44

the goal, though, isn't for people to just notice someone in terms of how they look right. The goal is to say, wow, this is someone who I think I can talk to easily and let's go have a new experience right. Let's kind of mix it up and change how we're showing up right, greeting each other with an openness. That's why I wear the hat and have the shiny gold glasses.

Jennifer: 2:08

I like it Well and it does make a difference right, because we know that body posture and different things that we do can either be warm or not warm, right Receptive or not receptive. If you're standing there and you look kind of like you don't want somebody to talk to you, then people are probably not going to want to come up and talk. But if you've got this warm, you know, I think, vivacious energy and life about you, people are going to be attracted to that.

Jennifer: 2:31

So I love it Well, thank you so all right, so let's get this thing started.

Jennifer: 2:37

I know we got so much to talk about today. I mean, we already spent a few minutes before we did this episode, so I know we have just a lot to talk about and I know our people are going to just really love this and be in for a treat. I want to talk a little bit about who Marcy is, what you're doing and kind of what brought you to this place.

Marcy: 2:53

Sure.

Marcy: 2:55

So what I'm doing? I mean, you know, when I was six years old, I lost the ability to speak, I started to stutter due to, just you know, a lot of strong voices in the household. You kind of had to fight to say anything. Plus the genetic predisposition right, there's always a number of things that bring us to who we are. And not being able to show up as I chose led me to observe what was going on. And you know, when you're six what happens, right, like you've got the confident kids and the bullies and the scaredy cats.

Marcy: 3:29

And I just noticed there, you know we can choose how we show up, yet so many people aren't. Why are we doing what we do? And that led me to a lifetime of studying psychology and neuroscience and evolutionary biology and really just learning from my parents the lessons that I learned. They are physicians and they were so dedicated every moment of every day to absolutely showing up as best they could for their patients and the families of those patients and, frankly, the lives in front of those patients. My mother is a pediatrician, my father works in nuclear medicine, where you can kind of, you know, drink something radioactive and see it on a scan, and that just left me feeling okay, I matter. We all have a choice in how we show up, and yet this third point of so many of us aren't actually making a choice and we're showing up in a way that impacts the world in a negative way. We're not who we really could be. So that's the answer to why I do what I do.

Jennifer: 4:44

I like it. I like it. So let's talk about that, because I know you've got a lot to talk about and I know we were talking, like I said before this, about different things. This whole idea of showing up, because you talked about so many people not really showing up and being in tension.

Marcy: 5:00

Yeah, yeah, I really had to, like, limit the front of the book. I mean, let's just look at how the world is showing up. The world is showing up. You know, we've never had the mental health issues that we have and, by the way, just calling it mental health makes no sense. Like, is our mind different from our body? Like, does anyone believe that? Right? I mean, you know, there's all this information now about how the gut is really the second brain and eating the right things. You know, eating things quote from the earth, right? Not stuff that we processed and built out of who knows what can do anything from reduce all timers and dementia to giving us the mood boost that we all need. We have violence in the world. We have, you know, just people not being happy, feeling a lack of purpose. So, anyway, the symptoms of this which, by the way, are playing out in the environment, are playing out in the polyprices, if you use that word. You know, the lack of clean air, lack of clean water, all of that. This is really the result of how we're choosing to show up. So let's really dive into what that is.

Marcy: 6:08

The bottom line is that we have a choice each moment how we attend to our world. And what do I mean by attend? Well, you know, our brain has two parts and the key question is why? It's because we're designed to pay two different types of attention. When we evolved out in nature, we needed to do two different things. We needed to feed ourselves, but we also needed to manage to not be someone else's lunch that tiger there, right? How do we do that? The first type of attention recognizes. You know, jennifer, there's a berry on the bush over there. It's a teeny berry and it's on the bush, and I'm going to go and get it. And I know exactly what it is. It's not going to harm me. This is a good thing. I'm going to forget about everything else that's going on. I'm going to take my two little fingers on my right hand and I'm going to go grab it and get it.

Marcy: 7:03

And a lot of us still pay that type of attention far more than we should. Because what it does is it narrows in on something, it lets us be effective, but it's a manipulative way of doing things. It says I need that, I'm going to power over it. By the way, I'm not going to at all. Look at the beauty of the sun that's shining on it and that's just a beautiful thing. And look at the color of the blue. No, I know exactly what it is. I'm going to get something done, I'm going to control it and that's all that matters.

Marcy: 7:32

But if that's all we had and that's our left hemisphere by the way, this work was really brought to the fore by Dr Ian McGillchrist recently. He also talks about this, but it's really crucial as a foundation of how we show up the other part of our brain that can surveil and say you know what? There may be a predator right over there and I need to think about that first and be safe. That part of our brain, jennifer, that's the one that leads me to feel the intensity of your interest and it leads me to shift my tone into one of care and connectedness. And this is the one that sways with the music and understands the poetry. This is the one that leads us, jennifer, to be human to human. This is the type of attention from our right hemisphere only that leads us to have the impact on the world and on our children and on our health that we truly strive for. This is the one that is the human aspect of us instead of the animal aspect, and this is the one that recognizes that the time on our tech is not what's going to be engraved on our gravestone. That's part of our legacy, right? So what we need to do more when we think about how we show up is recognize not to be the human doings on the left hemisphere only, but to pause to do the breathing that we've all been hearing about, to step back, look around and be able to switch our attention, and it can really be that fast. You just take a single deep breath to step back, you look up and you can switch how you are showing up, and that's when you have the agency to make that choice. Right?

Marcy: 9:28

There are three levels of showing up right. My 20 years of research shows that most of us do what I call just show up right, which is level two. There's one, two and three, and that's really there. I think it speaks for itself. Level one just showing up, which 80% of us do 80% of the time. That's when we're moving through, we're multitasking, we're just getting stuff done.

Marcy: 9:52

That is level two, just showing up and I think that that you know it's fine to do, obviously part of the time, but all the poly crisis we have going on in the world, jennifer, it's because we're just showing up level two way too often. And then level three is when we're really who we want to be. This is when we're showing care. It's when we're feeling what someone else is going through. We're human to human. It is when we manage and lead, not by. You know rewards and sticks. It's when we show up and say tell me what's going on with you right, so that I can, I can support you in a better way, I can get out of your way and give you the resources that you need to truly show up to your role. That's how you lead and that's kind of a level three, truly showing up approach.

Jennifer: 10:49

I love it. There's so much to that, marcy, I was thinking while you were talking, my brain is just going to this is what I do. You know, like as a podcast host, I have to listen to everything you guys are saying and I'm like trying to think of what I'm talking about. But I'm listening to what you're saying, I'm like, oh my gosh, I just had this conversation with my husband yesterday about how majority of the world just really survives. Like you meet those few people that show up and are intentionally living life and they care, and it's like, you know, when I think about all these people that come on my show I was talking about just let's take an example On the last episode I did, I had a mental health crisis, gal, come on.

Jennifer: 11:29

She, you know, four times survivor of suicide within her family. She's a grief counselor, does all this stuff. And we were talking about you know, when you, when you just say to somebody, you know, like I know how you feel and how, in some ways, people are trying to do that to connect, but they really end up getting what they don't want because they're not really being necessarily human there and they're kind of doing the thing they don't want, because they're invalidating the other person by saying I know how you feel, when, really, if they were just being human and holding space and sitting down and saying you know, tell me what you're going through, how can I show up, how can I help you get through this, or do you need me just to sit here and listen? That's what you're talking about when you say showing up and being human.

Marcy: 12:11

Exactly so in my research. There's a key question that I ask and I knew it was a key question when I asked it but boy, is this what everyone responds to. I asked, and I do surveys every six months, right? So I'm really got the pulse of you know. How are people choosing to show up now versus last year? So the question is, how often do you ask yourself how do I want these people to feel in my presence? And I'm going to ask you what portion of survey respondents do you think said they regularly ask themselves that question? Jennifer.

Ad: 12:58

I feel like it's small. I don't know a number, but I just feel like it's a small number because I think people really think about themselves more than they do other people. As a whole, we think about what we're going to say and if it's going to be good or bad or wrong or be you know.

Marcy: 13:15

Yeah, that's exactly right. So the specific number 27% from my most recent survey, 27% of people said that they regularly ask themselves the question how do I want these people to feel in my presence? You know what would the world be like if, before we walked into a meeting, before we greeted our spouse, our kids, our colleagues, people at the grocery store, how would we behave differently if we asked ourselves how do I want this person to feel in my presence? What we're doing right there is we're switching from our left hemisphere get it done mode into our right, human to human mode. And you know what? We're sitting, our countenance shifts, the way we stand, the way we breathe, the way we hold ourselves, and then we're far more likely to be eye to eye and we're now looking at a human being, we're not looking at an object, and we both feel a moment of meaning, even if it's a stranger, for a moment. And then we carry it with us, kind of like meditation. It builds, it builds, it builds. Right, you don't meditate now for, like you know, the next hour. You meditate now because it's gonna impact you in three days and five days and next week, and it builds.

Marcy: 14:46

Choosing to truly show up is like that. It builds. It builds and what starts to happen is we notice different things. So, instead of today being just like yesterday, we start to have different thoughts. You see something that's different and then you have a different thought and it changes everything. You might even walk outside and take a walk that you wouldn't have taken. You will use different words, you might choose different food, you buy something different at the grocery store. Maybe you say I don't need to buy that. This isn't making me happy.

Marcy: 15:23

Something else you said is really important, because showing up has many layers of depth. People don't know like we throw the phrase around, but like we don't really know what it means. No one has in speeches. When I say I'm gonna go around and I want everyone to answer the question what does the phrase show up mean to you? Oh, my goodness, everyone has something slightly different to say and sometimes they're very different. For some people it's just getting off the couch and walking in. For other people, it's absolutely doing your best and what this really improves.

Marcy: 15:57

Jennifer and I love this statistic From the University of Texas. Recently it was statistics about how often is someone understanding what you're trying to say with the same words. Right. And it turns out that about 70% of the time, when someone doesn't know you, you say X and they interpret Y and showing up is exactly like this. And even with family members who you interact with every day, there's about a 50% likelihood that what they internalize and what you say are different things. So we aren't getting this right.

Marcy: 16:35

So let me just explain what is showing up. There are three levels to it, because guess what? We're not just selves, we're within a situation all the time. Even if we're in bed or reading a book or on our phone, we are interacting with something or someone and they with us, and that is an active, alive, reverberative process. So that's our situation member role. But we're also members of something larger and it's irrefutable. We've always been this way. We are selves within situations our second role and members of something larger a society, a religion, a family, a school, a company, whatever. But we live.

Marcy: 17:18

When I ask people to draw a pie chart and I say allocate, how often are you intentionally present Not just intentionally, but intentionally Do you give attention to which role you're in and people kind of default to like they put a line down the middle and they say, well, I'm kind of half in my self role and maybe I'm, you know, 25% in my situation or situation role, because I really try to be present there and I'm like, maybe, maybe another 25% of the time. I recognize that I'm part of something bigger because, like, when I post something, it's out there, oh my goodness. I think it's more like 80% in our self role, because we're taught to be individuals You're you, I'm me, we're separate. Can we just blow that up, jennifer? Let's blow that up. We are far more all-dividuals than we are in. Like, let me ask you are all the skills and knowledge that you need to succeed inside yourself?

Jennifer: 18:28

I don't know. I think we you need other people to get what you need done and we wouldn't have survived without other people.

Marcy: 18:37

Yeah, yeah, like humans don't survive alone, we survive for a number re like, basically because we were able to coordinate our action. I mean, you give us stone tools against a mastodon, like good luck, no human survival. You need stone tools and coordinated action, right, to be able to survive. We are social beings. So in the book and I've actually trademarked the term all intelligence and I use the word all divisual because we are always the product of the conditioning of our society, right, we only dress the way we do and we're make up the way we do and walk the way we do and speak the way we do, because society has taught us to do that. We literally, I mean. In fact, brian Lowry, a professor at Stanford in psychology, recently wrote a book called Selfless and it totally blows up the whole concept of self, and before I saw his book I had written this. So there's a, you know and people can download this for free. It's part one of my book. It's on my website choose to show upcom.

Marcy: 19:58

But the point is, let's actually think about showing up. We are in three roles at all times, and each role it's really important to understand. What does it mean to be a self? It turns out, our mirror should far more be facing outward about how a society causing me to do what I do, and what do I think about that? Why does society tell me it's okay to watch a movie where people are blown up and killed? You know, because once we start to think about it, we say that's actually not okay with me and I'm not going to buy a ticket to see that movie and I'm not going to watch it on Netflix, because I want to give a message to the world that I want stuff out there that makes me and everybody healthier and happier, not detached and divided, so that I can kind of put up with these stressors that are out there. Right? So that's our cell. Turn the mirror outward and start to recognize we are far more an all divisual than an individual.

Marcy: 20:58

The second point is our situational role. What does it mean to be ready for a situation? It means let's ask ourselves how do I want these people to feel in my presence? Right, there's a lot to talk about there. And then there's our societal role, and showing up means that you think about, or you just always have on your mind, how do I truly show up for my three roles, not my one role, because when you're in one role, that's what leads us to be lonely and isolated and self centered and insecure and have imposter syndrome and feel unworthy, right. So I talk about a role for each, or a skill for each, grounded in ourselves, ready for our situations, and all intelligent in our societal role, which is just a connectedness that recognizes that there's a reciprocity and a symbiosis. So that is showing up and it might sound like I've made it complicated, but it's really just. It's like let's just look at the truth. It's really just the truth of what goes on.

Jennifer: 22:07

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Jennifer: 22:52

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Jennifer: 23:09

No, I love it and not that I would have put it that way, but I feel like that is how I see showing up and I really love that. You, I love all of the three ways that you talked about, but I really like the part where you talk about the study that you did with asking how do we stop and think about, how do we want these people to feel in our presence? Because I think that, yes, so often we are taught to be task oriented and some people, I think, are more people focused and they are task oriented. This is something that I truly have struggled with many years because I'm a very task driven person.

Jennifer: 23:46

I love checklist, I love to, you know, get things, but I had to really work and I do say, you know, having been in Mary Kay for 22 years, it taught me a lot about learning how to be task oriented but also to be relational, because I think when you work with women I'm not saying men are not this way, but I think anytime you're working with a lot of women, you better learn how to get relational, because there's a lot going on, you know, but I always go back to, I tell people, you know some of my significant growth in that area really came when I started doing podcast interviews, because I had to take myself out of the equation and go back to asking you about you and what you do and shining a light on you.

Jennifer: 24:24

And it's so funny because now you know, I'm not saying I'm perfect at this, but I do say a lot of times I do go into situations and I think if I do this behavior or I say this thing, how is that other person going to feel if I do this, and is that the outcome that I want at the end of this? And so I think when and the best way I heard this, you'll probably get it it's this whole subject object shift. You know, pulling myself out of the equation. I always think of it like a video game, like I'm the video, the person in the game, you know, and then on the outside I'm the controller that's controlling that person and what do I?

Ad: 24:57

want that game to look like when I'm with somebody.

Jennifer: 24:59

You know how do I navigate that, so that I'm being human and not being so driven on this, getting this task done.

Ad: 25:07

You know there's so much to this and I love that you're talking about that and actually I chill when you're talking about it.

Jennifer: 25:12

So I know it's good.

Marcy: 25:14

God chills, yeah, yeah, what specifically was it that created that feeling?

Jennifer: 25:22

Well, I think it just goes back to I see, the bigger vision which we could get into right now.

Jennifer: 25:26

When I talk about you know, when we talk about this off, but I mentioned it in my book this whole butterfly effect that I think when we show up differently and we put other I'm not saying you need to be selfless in all moments, but I think when we think about how we are showing up in the presence of other people, in our roles, we have the ability to impact them differently.

Jennifer: 25:49

There could be that one person that's having a bad day that day and you show up that one day and say something or do something different that impacts their life and they go home and make a different decision around their children that day. And we know that we can't change everybody, but we have the ability to change one person and that one person has the ability to change another person. And I think that's the stuff that gets me excited is that you know when I think about like the work that I do and what I talk about when I bring guests like you on this show. It's really because I know my voice is limited, it can only carry so far, but there may be somebody that hears what you say today and although I'm talking about a lot of these things, you say it in a way that comes across and it hits them and they make a different choice to show up differently tomorrow.

Marcy: 26:36

That's exactly right. I'm going to share this phrase with you that I came across from Dr Barry Chase, who runs a sleep care practice at Mount Sinai Hospital, or no, at yeah, yeah, I think so From his uncle Moe. He said I have very important work to do today because I'm going to impact lives and sometimes, at the end of the day, I know what it is. So the idea is you're impacting everybody but you don't know. Yeah, yeah, and I just love that quote. So many people right now don't feel they're having a broad impact on the world and that is why we have this malaise. You know, our 19th and 21st Surgeon General wrote one book and it's called Together, and he didn't write about obesity or the opioid epidemic or the suicide epidemic or anything else. He wrote a book called Together about how interconnected we are because we have a loneliness epidemic as well, and that's what's leading us toward to mistreat people and to be obese and to not show up with the care. Right, but all of these are symptoms of really the same thing. It's how we choose to attend to our moments and that's why, jennifer, we started this talking about attention, and I don't like that shun form of the word. It's like a jaren form of a noun. It's not a tense shun, it's attending because there's an active choice. We are agents of our moments, and how we choose to attend to our moment is that this left brain get it done mode, or is it this expansive place of wholeness that we come from? That's the only way that we see the interconnectedness, the systems view of everything. Right, we don't exist Like that inhale that you just did is because the tree out there just put oxygen into your world, and we don't exist without the sun and the microbes and the algae. We are all one system, and to think that we can have power over over each other, over the environment, over who's going to buy something or whether they should buy something let's just think about how sick that is. Only what we're here to do. What we're here to do is help each other and care for each other, and that's how we make this world healthy and that's how we survive.

Marcy: 29:34

I mean, let me really put it out there. I mean I think many people are getting the message about how critical things are. There's a group I believe it's Norway that devised the nine boundaries of the planet that we all need to survive, and it's things like healthy air and healthy water. We have surpassed six of the nine planetary boundaries already. We don't have healthy water. I think it was last it was about a year ago that the study came out that, I mean, you can be in the middle of the forest and have a very sustainable life, but the water that's coming down that you capture has these forever chemicals, these PFOS chemicals in them that impact our endocrine system and poison us. So we really can no longer get away from the fact that we've really poisoned things to a point where we are on a very fast self-terminating system.

Marcy: 30:34

And I mean not to scare everyone, but we need to think about how are we attending to our moments right now?

Marcy: 30:42

What are we going to do with our day? How are we going to do our daily jobs in a way that uplifts people and shows care, so that people feel felt? I'm going to give people one goal for today as a result of hearing this. What I want you to do is notice that there's one person in your life who, because of interacting with you, feels felt. And how do you know when someone feels felt, there's going to be a certain energy that they give back to you, and it's going to be because of a certain energy that you show up with. You will probably be using your right hemisphere, because that's the only way where we feel connected and you're basically going to be showing care and they're going to be feeling felt and their eyes looking at you, are going to be there with you for an extra second and you're going to notice that and then you're going to know. I heard Marcy this morning on Jennifer's show and I just did it. It's good.

Marcy: 31:55

It's good and that is going to be a meaningful moment in your day that you never forget.

Jennifer: 32:03

And you know when you talk to somebody and have that moment like when you know it doesn't even matter. You know, I've said this before sometimes that just being that, showing that you care and being heard doesn't mean anybody is even solving a problem, it's just being heard. Right, that connection, and it can make such the difference in a situation. There's so much to this. Marcy, like you, just I love this, I love what you're doing, I love what you're talking about. It's deep and you touched upon, even, like you know, talking about obesity and those things like that. I always talk about this. It's like we get so hung up on these superficial things. It's like let's teach somebody how to diet, it doesn't matter. If you teach them how to diet, they're not going to hold it. It doesn't matter, it's larger than that, it's how it's. If they're not showing up intentionally, the diet doesn't matter and it's. Everything in our lives are this way Our relationships, our finances, everything is this way. And that's why I told you before we even got on the show it's like when you see this stuff, you can't turn back, like you know.

Jennifer: 33:11

You know, interesting when that whole pandemic started and not to get on the whole pandemic talk. But I took this sociology course and I didn't care about getting credit for the course I'd taken sociology in college, it was just another sociology course I wanted to take. But it really the reason I did it is because I wanted to understand why people were behaving the way they were behaving during the pandemic, why people were acting so crazy and I was trying to wrap my mind around all of that. And it really because they were no longer living in the human space, they were living in the reptilian, they were in firefly.

Jennifer: 33:44

Survival task oriented People were no longer people anymore, they were becoming objects. And I think this goes into everything we do in our lives every single day and I can tell, even in dialogue with people. It's so crazy because I think context matters. I can listen to people, I can watch people and I don't want to say I'm an expert at it, but I can gather a lot of information just sitting in a room with somebody for a few minutes where they're at in terms of thinking, and I know what I need to do in that situation, and so it's good.

Jennifer: 34:17

I love the work that you're doing because I think it is so important.

Marcy: 34:22

I just want to say it, jennifer. Yeah, what you're saying really matters. Thank you so so much. And just to pick up on what you said, right, the dieting, the habits, all of those things, the way that we're approaching improving our lives and the lives of others is often fractured and small. And what showing up is about is it broadens our lens so that we see the deeper aspects of how we relate to ourselves, to others, into the world. And then, all of a sudden, you don't have to worry about quote, having the motivation to not put that extra bite of food in your mouth because you don't want it in the first place. It's not even there and you don't buy the stuff at the store. Why? Because you're changing how you attend to your moments. You're using both hemispheres of our brain, the way that we're designed. You go back and forth and you keep stepping back and being more relational. Seeing how things connect makes life more meaningful. And then, all of a sudden, instead of attending to bits, you start to see the big thing.

Marcy: 35:41

There's one really compelling bit of research I want to say about this have you ever seen something like a letter H that's made up of small Zs? Let's say no, I haven't seen that. So when you ask patients who've had a stroke, what they see? So the big thing is an H, but it's made up of little Zs. If the stroke is in the left hemisphere and they've got their more holistic side of their brain, the right hemisphere is still intact. They see the big H, they see the big picture, and they know that the H is made up of Zs. And someone, though, only has their left hemisphere and not the big picture. Not only do they not see the H at all, it doesn't exist. But where are the Zs? The Zs are literally a big pile, a big mess on the floor, and what they draw is a bunch of random Zs on the bottom of the piece of paper. Do you understand how big a deal this is? Yeah, if we're seeing a bunch of Zs on the floor because we're so focused that we're just quote just showing up in this get it done. Mode power over mode, that only uses half our brain, this is massive.

Marcy: 37:02

So the solutions that are out there today are left-brained solutions and they're not going to get it right because they're seeing parts, they're not seeing the whole. But let's face it, you can't take apart, let's say, your partner in life. She has brown hair, you got the brown hair and you got the smile and you got the energy, and you got this and you got that, and she does it this way. You can't take it apart and then think that you can put it back together piece by piece, mechanistically, like legas, and you'll have the essence of the person. You just don't.

Marcy: 37:44

The essence of the person only lives in that connectedness, that wholeness that we only experience when we step back, reset our nervous system and choose how are we showing up to this moment? Otherwise, you're an object, you're not a human. And, by the way, it's not a subject-object division, it's an object-human division, and that's so. I'm going to stop there, but really what I'm saying is let's just step back and see the picture of ourselves across time. By the way, not being able to diet effectively is because there's a short-term gain at the expense of a long-term benefit. But if you see yourself across time, you aren't there for the one marshmallow, you're there for the delayed gratification too, once you see things across time. That's part of showing up and it's part of readiness for the situation, and I talk about that in our situational role. But all of a sudden, you aren't struggling with the same day-to-day task-focused activities anymore.

Ad: 38:58

Yeah.

Jennifer: 38:58

No, I love it and I think that what's really good about what you're doing is that you're able to put this into words, and I think that's so hard for a lot of people, because this is an area where sometimes I get frustrated, because I see the big picture in pretty much everything.

Jennifer: 39:11

It's very seldom that I get hung up in the weeds of something, and I can look at something and clients will come to me and they'll usually have a specific thing they want to address and I'm always like it's a lot bigger than us addressing that one marketing hack or that one diet trick. I mean there's more to this, because something you said a few minutes ago and I know we've got to wrap this up here but I do want to mention this because I think when I hear you talk about all this, what it keeps coming into mind is that when you're coming from a place of being human as you're putting it I say being relational, whatever that looks like you're in a happier flow state, which really means you're going to be more tolerant, you're going to be more accepting, you're going to be more in flow and that's going to, in itself, allow you to show up differently. So when you talked about making those choices with dieting yeah, I've talked about this all the time when you show up differently, you no longer want those things. For years I talked about even though I taught exercise for a long time I've never really ate good and then I ended up doing keto for two years and it was very, very hard in the beginning because I went from eating a regular, what I call Western diet, which is not healthy by any stretch. And then I went into doing keto hardcore and I went I'm talking hardcore, restrictive. I didn't cheat a day for two years. I did in hardcore because I wanted to heal my body and the pain that I was going through was worth that sacrifice.

Jennifer: 40:32

But now it's funny, because I went from being this person that if I wanted to eat a thing of Oreos, I was just going to eat them, right. I don't have that problem anymore. Like I want an Oreo, I'll eat an Oreo. I'm not going to buy a bag of Oreos. Even if I did, I'm probably not going to eat the whole bag because the whole package I don't care. I have different, I'm in control of that and I don't feel the need to even have a problem with it anymore. So when I worked on really looking at, like I told you, I'm able to see the big picture but also how I show up differently, the other things started flowing more freely for me and they're not really, I guess, necessarily problems any longer. So I think what you're saying there's all this. It is big and it's not about these little tedious hacks and habits that we're doing. I mean, I guess you need those sometimes, but when you're able to see that larger picture, then those things become easier for you.

Jennifer: 41:23

They're no longer task-free.

Marcy: 41:25

Yes, I mean they disappear because the problems that we have are because of how our responding to, how we are choosing to attend to the world. So when we just show up, the problems that we have are just show up problems. If we show up, if we do what I call level three truly show up, which I explain how to do in the book the gifts and challenges that we have are truly show up gifts and challenges. So it's a whole different set and it's a meaningful set. It's about relating to people in a deeper way and then we start to heal Right and we heal our bodies, we heal our minds, we heal our relationships, we heal the challenges that we have because we're not just showing up, so those issues kind of dissipate, yeah.

Jennifer: 42:22

I love it, marci, and I have a feeling that we're going to probably have to get you back on another time to stand up. I want your book, I want to read your book now. You sold me on your book without selling me on your book. Because I want to read it, because I love your work. I just love what you're doing and I had checked you out before you came on here. So just know, I had already looked into all your stuff before that, loved what you were doing before that, but I love you more now because I like your personality and your energy. So our audience is probably going to want to check this out. I have a feeling this is going to be something people are going to be like. Yeah, because when we start talking psychology and human behavior and all of those things, I think it's just an area that people really grab on to. So if our audience wants to get in touch with you, learn more about your work, find the book, where do we want to send them?

Marcy: 43:02

Sorry, choose to show up dot com. Ok, you can download part one of my book for free. I would actually prefer that people just hit the contact button and contact me, because I want to make sure I send you the latest version. Yeah, and I'd be happy to share the book. It'll be on Amazon probably later this month or next month, so I'm in book launch mode. But really I'm not here to sell books, I'm here to help people, so just reach out to me through. Choose to show up dot com. Yeah.

Jennifer: 43:33

And I can tell Sorry, I mean to catch you up, I was going to say I can tell just by your energy that you're I'm an energy person, so I pick up on people's energy and I pick up when we don't have energy very easily. But I can tell that you are passionate about your work and I think that that shows through and I think when we truly love what we do and we feel passionate about it, it just comes across that way and people receive it and they feel it so congratulations to you on your book launch and all that you're doing, and I just want to say keep doing it, because you are making the world a better place.

Jennifer: 44:03

You are making a difference in people's lives.

Marcy: 44:07

Jennifer, as are you, so thank you so much. And everyone makes a difference in everyone else's life, and the more focused we are on that, the more we will truly show up Awesome.

Jennifer: 44:21

All right, well, thank you so much, and, of course, to our audience, definitely go check out Marcy's work. Grab her book when it comes out, Get on there. Whatever you need to do, get it in your hands and as we all were saying oh, yep you're going to bring it up here? Yep, bring it up here. There you go, how we choose to show up. Yes, there, it is Awesome. All right, we'll make sure, marcy, too, that when we get this out, then we'll put some plugs in there too, so people know where to go.

Marcy: 44:46

I'll give you some graphics. There's a really important graphic of the Continuum 123 with barely there just showing up in truly, and it sticks in people's minds and I've been told that people print it and they put it on the back of their phone or they put it in their office.

Jennifer: 45:00

Ok yeah yeah, very good. Yeah, I know visuals are important for some of us who like those visuals, so I think it's a good idea. All right, to our listeners. We appreciate you. Thank you for plugging in and, of course, head on over to Apple. You can give us a review there. Make sure you check out YouTube. Hit the subscribe so we can keep sharing all this amazing content. Get all these amazing women on here doing their best work and in the meantime, you guys take care, be safe, be kind to one another and we will see you next time commenting.