Jennifer: 0:06

Welcome to the Starter Girlz podcast, the show dedicated to the Starter Girlz. She's an achiever, she's a creator, she's a magic maker, she's All right, here we are, another episode of the Starter Girlz podcast, and I'm so excited about my guest today. dreamer and she is doing all the things. You're going to want to be sure that you head over to Behind the Dreamers so that you can hear a little bit about her background and what she does, and why she's doing what she's doing, but I do want to say welcome to I'm Jennifer Loehding, and I am your host and our guest today, Marsha VansWynsberghe. show, Marsha. I'm your host, jennifer Loehding, and welcome to this episode. She is a storytelling business coach, a speaker, a multi published author and a podcaster. She's got an incredible story. I'm so excited to have you here today.

Marsha: 0:53

Oh, thank you so much for having me, Jennifer. I'm thrilled to be here.

Jennifer: 0:56

It's going to be so much fun. So I know one of the things on starter girls that we really like to do is I like to bring guests on. That, I think, can really help the female entrepreneur, creator, dreamer, achiever, whatever hats that she's wearing or hats Most of us are wearing multitude of hats but to be more effective, and as I always tell my people, you know, sometimes we have people come on here that are in the health and wellness field. Sometimes they have an incredible story, sometimes they are an SEO marketing expert, and so I think that we all have something valuable that we can bring here. And you obviously have a story and you're doing some great things, and I know I mentioned here that you are a storytelling business coach. So maybe tell us, our audience, a little bit about that, what that is for you, and kind of a little bit about how that came about.

Marsha: 1:42

Absolutely so. Storytelling, I think, is stories are the most relatable thing that we all have. Every single one of us has a story. We just don't know how to bring our story forth, to allow ourselves to connect to others, and so it took me a number of years to understand that the story that I was walking through which I felt was completely isolating and then the only person in the world who was struggling, was not true at all it was actually far more relatable than what I realized.

Marsha: 2:13

And storytelling in our business it's not even so much the pieces of the story. People get so caught up in the details and how do I share parts of it? How do I share parts of the story and keep people in integrity? It's not that the lessons, the emotions, the experiences that we've all walked through are what make us relatable, and I actually believe that they're the foundation of our business as we build it, because I think we are our business at all times, and the more we know, more about ourselves and share that, that's the platform that we build from.

Marsha: 2:47

So a lot of times when I'm working with clients, it's like let's look at what stories you walk through, what experiences have you had? What do you know better than anyone else, because we're all experts of something. We just don't see ourselves as experts in something because we've walked through it. We've been busy navigating it and not looking at it. But those pieces are what help us to help that younger version of ourselves or build that business that can make a difference. And it all comes down to unpacking and looking at the stories that we've walked through.

Jennifer: 3:20

Yeah, I think stories are true and, you know, don't have one. And again, that's why we need to get people over to the drivers to listen to this. I think that you know I was telling somebody on a previous episode that you know, if you look at like where you are today, and then you were to go back to the very beginning of where you were saying five, 10 years ago, right. And then you look at your path and if you take out all the middle, then you would have no idea how you ended up here from here, right. But then when you start looking at all the middle pieces and everything is sort of connected and it leads to the next thing and to the next thing and to the next thing, then you realize how you've arrived here. And I think this is why it's so important as entrepreneurs, to really let people understand how it is that you got to hear, right, like it's, they see you over here and they just think, oh well, you just woke up one day and you're this storytelling business coach, right?

Marsha: 4:08

Yes, a lot of people think that it's the like 10 year overnight success. Right, it's the. It's the 10 year overnight. It's. Nothing is overnight.

Marsha: 4:17

But it definitely took a lot of time to get to this space. And I mean as a very quick part of the story, which I'll share more on the other show, I was a parent who dealt with teen substance, teen substance abuse, and that's not a story that anybody wants to acknowledge or experience or walk through, and so, because of that, I spent a lot of years hiding in shame and hiding my story, avoiding it, doing actually anything but share it. And it was really from a standpoint of I'm so tired of feeling alone in this challenge, in this story, in this experience. And at this time nobody was talking about the difficult things in life. Things were very curated.

Marsha: 5:01

Still, that's what they look like, and I remember a counselor saying to me at the time maybe that's because you're supposed to, and I thought that's crazy. And then I did, and when I started it just continued and it was meant to be the way it was because I started to connect with people from so many different walks of life. My book, my podcasts, things just continue to grow because I found this community of people who had overcome unbelievable stories and they really wanted to pay that forward, build something to help others, and really what you're doing is you're reaching down and providing something for that younger version of you that didn't exist when you were there.

Jennifer: 5:45

Yeah, and so you're basically, you're now speaking and you're doing podcasting. You've got books out there, so tell us, I guess, a little bit about all of these things that you've got going on, because obviously this is how you're telling your story and showing hey, here's what happened, and putting that out there for the world to see.

Marsha: 6:03

And I absolutely thank you for asking. And it comes to sharing the story, there's really like three things that I just want to share is like it's like who were you, who you were, what you experienced, what you walked through and then, as a result, now you do what, and so when you really break that down, those three steps can work for every single aspect of your like. I have hundreds of stories, we all have lots of stories, and so for me, I shared my first two times in a collaborative chapter in a book back in 2016 felt the call to start writing my own book, which I always see be very careful who you share your big goals with. Because when I took that to family and said I'm ready to share, I'm going to write my story, write my own book like, nobody thought it was a good idea. They thought it was absolutely ridiculous idea, because we still have this mindset of we don't share our difficult experiences. Right, we put our head down and smile and say everything is fine, and so I felt like but that's why we're in the position that we're in is because nobody will talk, and so I felt really called to do it, and so I wrote my own solo book in 2017 called when she stopped asking why. Then I started my podcast during that time on your choices, on your life, because I really felt called to normalize difficult stories and I thought if I don't start sharing this, no one else is going to either. I just felt this call and so that's where it eventually started. I didn't have a. I'm going to be completely transparent.

Marsha: 7:37

I did not have a business in mind in the beginning, and I think that was a blessing, because I was working on myself during those years, trying to figure out how to use my voice, how to navigate it, and eventually, within the first couple of years, I had people reaching out and it took a while for me to register that people were asking but how do you share the difficult story? Like, I don't understand how to put it together, how do you write the book, how do you start the business? And that's when I started to coach people in how to put their story together. And then I led and co-led two collaborative books where we worked with authors in quite difficult stories how to write it, how to get it published and, in total, have published seven times, and now we're in the process of helping people to write their books and get their stories out there. And now we're publishing.

Marsha: 8:27

So People will say, all of a sudden you're publishing, like where'd that come from? And in the beginning, like when I started to own that, it felt like it was a big. Oh, that's big. I don't know about this, but that's the story. I walked through that. I walked through seven different publications, helping people with it, and so it feels very natural to step into this area now and helping people to publish their stories. So what we're walking through is building our strengths and building our knowledge base, and we just we just tend to over overlook our own strengths and see the experiences when we walk through it's great.

Jennifer: 9:06

So maybe somebody that's you know if if somebody's got a story, because I come across this too when I'm working with people, especially in this podcast. I know you have a podcast too, but I come across a lot of people who serve. They have this story. They don't really want to know what they want to do with it yet, right, and that's. They're coming to you at this point and saying, okay, so tell me what that looks like, that next step. So what is something do they go straight to? Is the book writing? The next step? Is it doing a podcast? Is it the speaking? What do you usually tell them to kind of navigate?

Marsha: 9:34

I Like to ask them a few questions. First, to see, kind of, where they are in their story, and I think this is really important, like I do have a free quiz that I share, and it's like the blocks to owning your story, because we all have blocks, right with blocks as to why we're not allowing ourselves to be seen and heard and it's really seeing where they are in their story. If a person is still seeing themselves as a victim or In some anger in their story, not the time to share it, it's actually not. It's the time to do some inner work. When you're in a space that you're able to be, I like to say from in your story to on your story. When you're on your story, have perspective. You can see things differently. You can see how you know what I do, see how all those things added up to get to here. And that's where we tend to start For some people.

Marsha: 10:19

They come to me. Actually a lot of people come and say they've had this lifelong vision of writing a book, like the book has been the thing that they've wanted to do. But it always comes down to feeling overwhelmed, thinking who's gonna judge me? How are they gonna think of me when I share my story and who's gonna care? Is it big enough, right, like? Those are some of the main things that people come to me through.

Marsha: 10:40

If they're not in a space where they feel like I'm ready to write, then we do a lot of the NLP tools. I call them like neuro linguistic programming tools, the subconscious programming tools, because those limiting thoughts, those limiting beliefs, they're gonna hold us back and you might sit down with the agenda to write a book but if you're only working on the schedule of writing and the plan in the strategic part of writing, that's your conscious brain and that's only 5% of what your ability is, your brain's capacity. The other 95% it's driving the show like. It's like literally calling all the shots, and so that's where our limiting beliefs sit and that's where the pieces that are holding us back sit. So I like to get a framework as to where a person is before we put them. I like that, like to help them to be in the right kind of container for support so that it's not that place of Just you go here.

Marsha: 11:36

But I also do a Coaching certification where we do with NLP like and using the tools, and it's been very interesting to see people come this year and say I want to do both, like I want to learn how to be a bit, become a better coach and learn how to write my book at the same time. And this is why I think it's so interesting that when you come into business, be open and listen to what your people are saying, because that was never even on my radar like not even once was that on my radar to put two things together, but that's been a consistent message people have said and that's the work that I've done to do this. So I just really tie that back, that we're walking through those stories and we're building it the whole time and sometimes I even forget To look back and go okay, well, actually that does make sense. So it's just, it's just an interesting way to do it.

Marsha: 12:24

But I like to have people meet where they're at, and If a person's not even close to that but they say, where do I start with content? I'm like go to the podcast. I will always have a free resource, because I I don't know where I would be without podcasts. To be honest, that's what started me in the beginning, and so we have tons of content that's out there podcast wise. So I love being able to just direct people to meet them with where they're at.

Jennifer: 12:50

I and I love that. I like that you're saying that, because I think that's so important. You know, as a Coach and I think that's what separates the coach from the consultant, right, because the consultant's gonna come in and they're gonna tell you this is what I would tell you to do, and you really don't have a Whole lot of input, whereas the coach is asking the questions to find out where to place you, and I think that's so important. You know, I use that kind of same framework, like when I network, when I meet new people. You know, because even it's the same thing.

Jennifer: 13:15

When you go to network, like, right, you're looking at people and you're trying to be authentic.

Jennifer: 13:18

Right, which is what we're talking about here You're trying to be human, and part of that being authentic, I think, is also being genuine with people and understanding where they are right.

Jennifer: 13:26

And so if you're networking, it's no different, because when you go out, if you walk into a networking room and your only goal when you Walk in there is to, as soon as I meet somebody, as I'm gonna give them a card, my, my purpose is to sell them what I have right, then you're kind of missing the opportunity to actually get to know the person because you're so laser focused on.

Jennifer: 13:45

I have this one thing. I'm gonna show you what it is and I'm going to assume that you're gonna buy it, and the thing is is that they may not you may not have what they need first of all, and that's where you need to get good at asking questions, right, hence the coach. And so I think the idea is that when you're anytime you're meeting with somebody, it should be to go in and ask questions and find out hey one Can I help them and if I can, how can I best serve them? Right, like, how can I help them in a capacity but then also realize too that I may not be able to help them because it may not be a win-win for both?

Marsha: 14:16

I I couldn't agree more and I love that you went there because I know this. Last year I've probably had I Betcha, four or five discovery calls with people who are looking at one-on-one coaching that I was just like it's not the right fit. I know it's not the right fit and I have to. You have to be okay with saying no to that, and it's not that you're saying no to the person. It's an energetic match between two people.

Marsha: 14:42

When you're spending, especially in a one-on-one container and I really believe that it is so important in business yes, we're here to all build our businesses and to do great things and you know to be to build a profitable business, of course, but when you are trying to put somebody the square into the round hole and you're pushing them into a program that is not the best fit for them, everybody loses, like I think you too lose.

Marsha: 15:08

It's the energy, the, the money's not worth it. I think it's so much more important because your clients, they talk, they like my referrals come in from clients all the time, so I want them to have a good experience and I like to have different parts of my business that can hit different people and for some people They'll come in and listen the podcast for a year and not be in a space of decision before that, and then all of a sudden they're like you know what? I want to do this now, let's do this now, but this gives them a chance to get to know you. I think the podcast is a great way for for clients and people to get to know more about you, who you are, how you navigate things. I think it's a very valuable tool in any business. To be honest, and when people say to me I want to find a way to get more confident and using my voice, I'm like they're thought about a podcast because, honestly, it's a great way to build some confidence in your own voice by using it.

Jennifer: 16:04

Yeah, I think we've covered so many things here, and I think the whole thing that you know when I go back to that. I think it goes back, though, to being authentic, because I think, when you show up from a place of, this is who I am, this how operate my business. You do it with integrity, that all sort of feeds into that, that Genuine this of who you are right like, because you don't want to be one way here and one way there. In other words, you don't want to be telling a story over here about who you are, but then taking your story over here and making a different, different part of it. So I think everything you're saying here about relaying your story, what it is right, showing up as this is my story, this is what I represent, and and also it's an extension of this is how I operate my business and and how I work with you as the client going for I think it all really sort of kind of packages together.

Marsha: 16:49

I agree, I agree it does, and I think, when it comes down to authenticity, I think something that's really important to share is that you know we we hear the word a lot. We really do, and, and Especially this online space. Sometimes it's like how do I find that voice, like how can I be true to me and who I am? And you're gonna, you're gonna, make mistakes until you figure out what is authentic to you and you know who are you and how clear are you gonna be in your messaging.

Marsha: 17:17

I do think authenticity starts within us first, though, and I think that's where it's like forget trying to get your words and language Good enough to be in a. You know sharing your message. If you don't trust who you are and you can't like connect and that also means connecting with all the parts of your story that maybe aren't always pretty, that aren't always you know, learning more about yourself. If you can't build that trust and authenticity within yourself, you're gonna have a hard time connecting with clients and doing that there. So I always believe the work starts within us first. I that's so true.

Jennifer: 17:52

That is so true, I do think. I think people genuinely know when you're being authentic and when you're not right, like they. I think they know. I think it's disturbing. You'll see people, like I said, they're one way, one way, then you know in one capacity and then they show up in another, another way, and they're a different human being and you're like whoa, wait a minute, you know. So I think being consistent and just being it's an internal job. It really is. I think it starts with you?

Marsha: 18:19

Yeah, I could. It's an internal job that we're living every day and I think it's something that we check. Like I said, it's okay, you're not gonna get it right every time. You're not now, because that's how you learn. There are times I've said yes to a client and I was like, oh, I knew that was not a good fit, like, and I've actually refunded a couple because I just knew I was not the best person for them. I do not have a problem referring them to somebody else and I think that it's like I said. I think it's that win-win. You're gonna get it wrong, but the more you do get it wrong, the more you're gonna be like you know what I know, I know these are my questions, as myself, this is how I can check in and Then, you know, connect with the clients that you are best here to serve, because that's the difference it's gonna make.

Jennifer: 19:00

Yeah, and I think that's good, and I think you do know you're right and I think the great thing you're saying here is to be patient with is what I'm hearing, because you're gonna mess it up. But I do think you know, our intuition speaks loudly and I always, you know, I always feel like when there is a moment where something just internally doesn't quite feel right, there's a reason it doesn't feel right, right Like there's something there and you may not be able to pin it yet. And yes, I know sometimes that could be our fear, but I think for those of us that are intuitive and that know to trust our intuition, I go on it. It's like if I'm working with somebody, if they come in and I'm already getting kind of a red flag kind of feeling about it, I'm probably gonna nix it because I know that something's gonna come up later on, and then I'm gonna be darn it. The red flag was there, I knew it, I should have jumped on it, said no, I'm not doing that. So yeah.

Jennifer: 19:45

I think that, on this, authenticity starts with us forward-facing right, but it also translates into how we conduct our businesses and and a lot of that comes from trusting who we are, and the more I think we get it wrong, the more we get it right. You know what I mean 100% agree.

Marsha: 20:01

That's why that's why I wanted to say it like that, like it don't Be frustrated with yourself if you're not getting it right in the beginning, because I know there were a number of clients that I said yes to in the beginning that you know I could feel myself that it's like a oh my gosh, I don't want to do this. There's a wrong fit, the wrong energy, all these pieces. And Now sometimes I'll get a message and it it's not saying there's anything wrong with the client, it's honoring my energy and who can I best serve? Because I think that's where it comes down to. It's never about, like that's that there's something wrong with that client. It's not that it's who am I and who am I to here to serve. Because I think when you come from that standpoint, I think your chances of getting it wrong are much less Like I just think it's trusting that intuition. But intuition is a muscle and you have to build it and you've got to just keep, like Zoning back in, listening, even when it doesn't make sense.

Jennifer: 20:54

Yeah, and I think even you know, go to the back pedal just a little bit with the authenticity, because I think you know everybody's different with the way they show that and you've got people that are very outward, like you said, being able to show the parts that we don't like right, which is hard sometimes. And I think the more confidence you gain and you start recognizing that, whatever your story is, the story doesn't define you right with the story is the story, it is what led you to where you are today, but it is not defining you as the human being right. And so when you can start Separating the two and recognize that the story is no longer a negative thing because it's it helped you get to where you needed To get, but it no longer defines you as the human being right, I think that is a really freeing thing.

Marsha: 21:36

I Couldn't agree more, and I do think there's one thing that I tend to say is is like you have the story in the narrative. The story is just the facts. The story is the story. I was a parent who dealt in substance abuse. That's the facts. The story, the narrative that I made about that story, is that I was a terrible mom, I was terrible person. Like I mean, I failed, like that narrative was killing me.

Marsha: 21:58

The story wasn't, the narrative was, and that's relatable to anybody.

Marsha: 22:03

Anybody can connect to that, and so Recognizing those two pieces is really powerful when you can start to separate it out and see the difference, because then I'll send, you can put this objective lens on and now you can see oh Okay, so this is what I walked through and this is who I am as a result, and you start to see the story differently.

Marsha: 22:25

It really does come down to like I swear, I promise you it sounds so crazy, but the parts that you think are the most unrelatable Parts of yourself are the most relatable parts to other people. It's really this piece of like, if that's the relatability comes from the parts that you're trying to hide, and that and I Learned that the hard way, the easy way, which I already want to call it. It was in the process of starting to share that. I was like wait that you too, like your, you struggle to you. And it's not even the story I because a lot of my clients don't have my story but they can connect to what I experienced, my emotions, what I walked through, what I felt. It's what connects us as humans, is what we're walking through every single day.

Jennifer: 23:14

Yeah, this is awesome. I think every episode that I've recorded today has been all about really this whole idea of community, and I think that's where we're ending here with this one. Again, it's coming back to shared experiences through our authenticity, and storytelling is that people can connect. So I feel like every episode today has been a piece of this whole idea of community and having people in our space that can we can be authentic with and embrace that. They can learn from us and we can also, in turn, learn from them as well. So it's great. Thank you so much for everything.

Jennifer: 23:47

Marcia, I'm excited to chat with you on behind the dreamers and talk about your story, dive into that a little bit more. I know this is a little shorter. We try to cover, get into the topic with this one and really help out our listeners, but I love what you're doing with the storytelling and, of course, for our audience if they need help in that direction, on what to do next, if they wanna start the podcast or get the book or whatever. And the way I feel about this just to kind of insert this in here is that we are all kind of doing similar things and I always say someone's voice resonates better with you, sometimes it's me. That's what's beautiful about this is that we can all say the same things, but sometimes we know again, going back to as coaches, who our people are, and sometimes one of our clients might be better suited with somebody else.

Marsha: 24:31

Absolutely, absolutely. There's like more than enough, like seriously, there's more than enough. More than enough to go around, and it's so much more important that we are serving the people that we are here to serve.

Jennifer: 24:42

Yes, right on, so this has been great. So, marcia, if our audience say they wanna get in touch with you, maybe they wanna check these books out, podcasts. Whatever you have going on, where would you like us to send them?

Marsha: 24:52

The easiest place is. I spend a lot of time on Instagram, so it's. But everywhere you go, even if you went to Google, if you started with Marcia Van W, that is gonna come up as me Everything is because my name is Long and so I've done. Marcia Van W, that's my website, that's my social media, it's all the way across the board, and my podcast is Own your Choices, own your Life, and the books are all available through my website or on Amazon.

Jennifer: 25:18

Okay, perfect, we'll make sure to. When we get all the bells and whistles on this, we'll get you tagged and that way they know where to come and find ya. Perfect, thank you so much. It's been great. Enjoy chatting with you. Like I said, look forward to getting ya chatting with you on the other show here soon. So, thank you. Thank you so much for having me Awesome and to our audience, of course. If you enjoy the show, head on over to Apple, give us a review there, hit that subscribe button on YouTube so we can keep sharing this content with you. And, as always, you guys, take care, be safe, be kind to one another and we will see you next time Me too.